Frodo's Mistake
by Michicko
Summary: Frodo and Sam are gay, Merry and Pippin are ghetto, Aragorn's angry, Legolas is conceited and Gimli thinks he's sexy. Basically, the whole of Middle Earth is screwed. Rated T for mild slash
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Adrienne and I do not own the Lord of the Rings characters.

A/N: I AM BACK! And with the help of my bestest pally Adrienne, I am posting yet another LOTR parody. Except this one is ten bajillion times better.

* * *

**Chapter One**

Gollum was falling into a black and lava ridden pit called Mt. Doom. Frodo was standing at the precipice, watching as the thing that threatened to destroy the whole of Middle Earth was about to be destroyed itself.

Frodo closed his eyes and waited for the end to come. He heard the wild shriek of Gollum as he fell to his fiery death. Surely now, Middle Earth would be saved.

Any moment now.

No, really, any moment now.

NOW.

Okay, maybe….NOW!

Frodo was confused, as usual. Nothing had happened! This wasn't in the script. Out of habit, he went to grab his promise ring that Sam had given him, but lo and behold! It wasn't there! It took a moment for Frodo to realize what happened to it. A very looooooooooooooooong moment.

"SNAP!" he screamed.

"What is it, hunny bunny?" Sam asked lovingly as he limped over to his lover.

"Nothing, snuggles!" Frodo said, hiding his ring finger. "It's just that…I've made a mistake.

"Did you forget your rubber undies? I've told you so many times-"

"NO! No! I threw the promise ring you gave me into the fire instead of the One Ring!" Frodo finished quickly.

"What?" Sam said, putting his hand to his heart, looking rather hurt. "Oh, so THAT'S why you didn't turn invisible when you put it on!"

"But… why did you say you could see me!"

"Because it worked with the…uh…games we played."

"Oh! So that's why you kept smacking my butt!"

"Right-o, hunny bun!" Sam grabbed the back of his lover's neck and proceeded to make out with him. Then he remembered that he irresponsibly threw the promise ring into the fire. Sam smacked Frodo hard across his face.

"WHAT THE HECK IS YOUR PROBLEM!"

* * *

As the fight outside of Mt. Doom rage on, Aragorn belched loudly. He was slacking along with Legolas and Gimli.

"Dang, I wish Reno 911 was on," Gimli said as he scratched his groin area. They were all hiding in a cave, watching t.v. rather than the battle outside.

Legolas was primping his hair involuntarily as he watched Trigger Happy T.V. "Those penny loafers are, like, SO three minutes ago."

"NOBODY CARES, LOSER!" Aragorn shouted. He was having anger problems again. "When I become king, penny loafers will be in- FOREVER."

"Touchy, touchy." Legolas muttered.

"All this shouting is horrible for my dead sexy ears," Gimli said, "And when loafers are in forever, I'll wear them on my sexy feet and the sexy shoes will make me sexy FO' EVA!"

"Okay! Shut up already!" Legolas said as he brushed his hair for the 4,657 millionth time, "How many times can you say sexy in a sentence?"

"Sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy-"

"Shut UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!" Aragorn bellowed. Suddenly, the door flew open and banged against the wall. Gandalf the White stood in the doorway, looking very put out.

"What is the meaning of this!" Gandalf shouted angrily.

"Sexy." Gimli whispered.

"We got bored." Legolas said as he flicked his hair. Again. "Besides, fighting all those orcs is HORRIBLE for my complexion."

"And my sexy legs." Aragorn threw a pillow at Gimli. It was a very hard pillow. Actually it was a rock. "Owwww…my dead sexy helmet."

"You fools! Haven't you heard!" Gandalf cried, "The fate of Middle Earth rests on our shoulders!"

"Well, whoever put it there was really DUMB." Aragorn snapped. "When I become king, that person is going to be really dead." They all stared at him. "Really!" he yelled at them.

Just then, a call came through on Gandalf's cell phone. He pulled it out of his robes and slapped it open angrily. "Hello!"

"Uh…Gandalf…" a near-sobbing voice said.

"Who is this?"

"Frodo…"

"What happened now? Did you forget your rubber undies again?"

"NO! Why does everyone think that!"

"Because you always do." Legolas said

"MEANIE!" he heard Frodo yell.

"Anyway," Gandalf said, "what happened?"

"Well…you know how you sent me on that whole 'destroy the ring' quest? Well…don't be mad…but, uh…I dropped the wrong Ring into the volcano."

"WHAT! Which ring did you drop!"

"Uh…never mind that, but, uh-"

"Wait," Gandalf said, "Where is THE ring?"

"Well…" Frodo started, "Remember that night at the Prancing Pony when Aragorn let us sleep in his bed?"

"You let hobbits sleep in _your_ bed?" Legolas said. Aragorn messed up his hair, which sent the elf into a frenzy.

"I think I might have left it there." Frodo continued, "Maybe. We were all pretty frisky that night-"

"AHHHH! MY EARS!" Gandalf pulled the cell phone away from his ear. "Young man," He screamed into the phone, "you are getting you're butt up and walking ALL the way back and getting that ring!"

"Awww, but Gandalf…"

"I don't want to hear it! You're doing as I say!"

"But that's a really long way. Can't I just rent a helicopter? or a Ferrari?…pick up some hott hobbit chicks…or dudes…"

"What was that last thing you said?"

"Nothing!" Frodo said quickly.

"Look, helicopters don't exist now."

"Neither do cell phones." Frodo pointed out.

"CRAP!"

* * *

"Dang, foo'!" Merry cursed as he stabbed an orc, "My gold fronts is missin'!"

"What, M-Dawg?" Pippin called

"My gold fronts, P-Dizzle! They's missin'!"

"Yo, G, they under that mutha-effers feet!"

"FEETS!"

"FEET!"

"FEETS!" Merry argued, "We ghetto, foo'!"

"Oh. Right, G-Unit!" Suddenly, they heard the battle music being cut off and Gandalf shouting over the battle cries.

"STOP!" The wizard waved his arms around wildly, "STOP THE FIGHTING! We're going to have to get a raincheck! Frodo screwed up! Again."

"Darn you, Fro-DORK!" a random orc shouted.

"I HEARD THAT!" cried a very distant voice. That sounded very gay. It was definitely Frodo.

All the orcs sighed in unison and marched back to Mount Doom. Merry and Pippin, or M-Dawg and P-Dizzle, ran over to Gandalf.

"Yo, what's the dealio-izzle?"

"Long story short," Gandalf said, "Frodo is gay."

"Dawg, we already knew that." P-Dizzle said.

"Well, also," Gandalf said, "He threw the wrong ring into the fire and lost the One Ring somewhere along the way of the journey."

"THAT'S WHACK!" M-Dawg said in a rage. He had wasted all his pimpjuice for nothing.

"Don't worry though, he rented a helicopter and it's going to pick us up and take us to Bree."

P-Dizzle saw Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas coming down out of a cave, muttering something about penny-loafers and looking very grumpy. "We have helicopters now?"

"And cell phones," Gandalf said, holding one up.

Suddenly, a helicopter landed and they all got in and set their bags down. Something rubbery fell out of Gimli's bag.

"So THAT'S where my rubber undies got to!" Frodo said.

"You told me you were still wearing them." Sam said, still sounding angry.

"Oh…" Frodo said as his cheeks blushed and his eyes darted from place to place. "I…uh…lied."

They all scooted a little further away from him.

* * *

REVIEW! (please!) 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything familiar.

A/N: Sorry for not updating for a really long time. There's this thing I have to go to. It's called SCHOOL. And I have a procrastination problem. Sorry. But maybe if you all review a lot more I'll be more compelled to update…(hint)

* * *

**Chapter Two**

"I think I can see the shire from here!" Frodo exclaimed. His face was pressed against the window of the helicopter, making it seem like his nose was squashed.

"That is SO unattractive." Sam said.

"Are you still mad at me…schnookums?"

"Don't even try it." Sam held his palm in Frodo's face, "I'm so not in the mood."

"Could you two please shut up!" Legolas had two cucumbers covering his eyes, "Some of us are trying to get some well deserved but not technically needed beauty sleep!"

"Yeah, I need to look extra sexy for Butterbur's sexy dance party." Gimli added.

"Enough with the sexy!" Aragorn shouted, "If I hear you say- Sam, is that a purse?"

"NO!" Sam said defensively, "It's a man purse."

"Dawg, real men don't have purses, foo'," P-Dizzle was listening to 50 Cent.

"Real men don't wear penny loafers either…" Legolas said as he adjusted his cucumbers.

"They wear tights!"

"SHUT UP FRODO!" Aragorn said, "I wear penny loafers, so real men wear penny loafers!" He growled. They shrank away.

"What. Ever." Legolas made a 'w' with his fingers.

"SHUT UP ALREADY! What do you know anyway! All you ever do is stand around, state the obvious and look pretty!"

"Yo, are we there yet G-Unit-izzle?" M-dawg asked as he took off his headphones, "My batteries is dead."

"Can you see Bree yet, Legolas?" Gandalf asked. He took yet another aspirin, which was the last one in his fortieth bottle.

"How should I know?" Legolas said sarcastically, "All I ever do is look pretty!"

"And you do a very good job of it…" said Frodo. Sam smacked him hard across the face. "Did I say that out loud…?"

"Would you all shut up!" screamed Gimli, "Don't you guys get it? I NEED to do the sexy regime before the super sexy dance party tonight!"

"Yo G-Unit," Pippin said, "what kind of dance party is it?"

"A dance party, and all the HOTTEST celebrities will be there." Gimli said, sounding very much like an ET correspondent.

"Is there going to be DDR?" asked Frodo.

"Typical." Sam said, sitting beside him, arms crossed and looking very surly. "You and your stupid DDR." Sam rolled his eyes. Everyone stared at Sam, confused.

"Uh, yes Frodo. There will be DDR." Answered Gimli.

"Good." Frodo said, "Because I suck at real dancing."

"YOU SUCK AT LIFE!" Sam screamed at Frodo, unable to control his anger anymore. And in a fit of rage, he ran to the window sobbing, and jumped out.

"Finally!" said Frodo, "I'm a free man!"

A single tear ran down M-Dawg's cheek.

"Yo, G," said P-Dizzle alarmingly, "WTF."

"It's just sad, okay!"

* * *

The bouncers were at their stations, the drinks were made, and DDR was hooked up. The party was starting.

Gimli strutted his stuff around the dance floor. Frodo was getting his DDR on. Legolas was flicking his hair, again, which made all the girls swoon. (Note: Legolas isn't gay, he's just extremely metro-sexual. I think.) P-Dizzle was having a rap battle out back. Everyone was having a good time.

Everyone except M-Dawg. He was sitting at the bar, drinking his second pint. He sighed sadly. He was drinking the alcohol when someone sat down beside him. Merry looked over and his eyes went as wide as dinner plates.

"OH MY HOLY GOLD FRONTS!" Merry exclaimed. In his excitement, he knocked over his drink and fell out of his chair.

"That's a waste of good drink, mate." The man beside him was bedecked in a tri-corner hat and a red bandana. Beads littered his dark hair and…okay, if you haven't guessed who it is yet, it's Jack Sparrow. And Will Turner.

"Are you really Jack Sparrow?" Merry asked.

"Last time I checked I was."

"Holy. Crap." P-Dizzle said. Legolas, Frodo, Gimli and Gandalf had also noticed the two misplaced movie characters.

"You look really familiar…" Legolas said to Will, "Have we met?"

"No…do I smell Herbal Essences?" the pirate/blacksmith asked.

"Heck yes!"

"What kind do you use? I have passion fruit and strawberries and crème." Will said.

"I prefer tropical coconut, actually."

"Oh bloody hell…" Jack sighed, "Here we go again."

"What are you doing here?" Gandalf asked, "You're in the wrong movie, you know."

"Competing in the dance contest." Jack said, "What else would we be doing?"

"Trying to save Elizabeth from impending doom?" Frodo suggested, "Bedding a whore?"

"Let's keep it PG, shall we?"

"Ladies, gentlemen, and other miscellaneous peoples of Middle Earth!" Butterbur boomed over the loud speaker, "Our dance contest is about to begin!"

"That's my cue," Jack dashed off behind the stage, leaving the confused fellowship behind.

"Our first contestant is…Wait a minute, Jack Sparrow?"

"CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!"

"Isn't he in the wrong movie…? Well, anyway, our next contestant is J-Captain Jack Sparrow!"

"Thank you, thank you!" Jack said as he stepped out on to the dance floor. Much to everyone's dismay-or fantasy, depending on how you look at it…argh, PG! - Jack was wearing a tightly fitted red body suit.

"Hey isn't that the suit that-" M-Dawg tried to finish, but was interrupted by Oops! I did it Again by Britney Spears.

Jack turned his back to the audience and shook his booty to the beat of the song. He twirled and pirouetted, making one question Jack's masculinity. When it got to the chorus, Jack did a back flip and bodysurfed through the audience. Once he got back to the stage. He seriously broke it down. The crowd cheered when the song ended.

"CAPTAIN JACK!" Frodo shouted, "SIGN MY BOXERS!"

"Our next contestant is…Aragorn! Son of Arathorn!"

"OH! That's me!" Aragorn ran out to the stage. He put on weird looking boots, aviator glasses and for some odd reason, a yellow feather boa. Aragorn took off his shirt, at which many of the women present screamed…in horror, only to reveal…

"Vote for Pedro?" P-Dizzle said, "Who the crap is Pedro?"

The song Canned Heat by Jamiroquai came on and Aragorn stepped back and forth. He tossed back his head and started to rock the dance floor.

"Raise the barn!" Aragorn shouted as he turned so his back was facing the audience and raised his hands in the air while shaking his bum at the same time.

"Oh! He's pulling a Snappy Dresser!" Pippin said. Aragorn snapped his fingers and shuffled back and forth. He was on FIRE.

"No…he wouldn't…" Gimli said, "HE DID! The Hail to the King!" Keeping it PG…

Aragorn's dance ended abruptly. He stood there awkwardly for a few moments, and then ran offstage as the crowd cheered wildly.

"Now, I'll be announcing the winners as the other contestants died in a freak can opener accident," Butterbur opened the envelope, "And the winner is…Aragorn! Son of Arathorn!"

"YES!" Aragorn punched the air in triumph. Jack threw down his hat in anger.

"It's a fix!" Jack exclaimed, "I'm SO much hotter than him!"

"Look, Captain 'Yes That Is a Pistol In My Pocket," Aragorn was getting angry again, "YOU SUCK. And Britney Spears is so last season!"

"Whatever! I've got a ship to claim!" With that, Jack and Will disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Whoa. Trippy." Frodo said.

"Now who am I going to discuss hair care products with?" Legolas whined.

"ME!" A thousand fan girls crowded the elf, "I love Herbal Essences!"

"I love it more!"

"No you don't, Head and Shoulders FREAK."

"Take that back…ROGAINE WHORE!"

Legolas slipped out of the mob of fangirls unnoticed and retreated to the back alley. It was then that Gandalf remembered their real purpose for being in Bree.

"IDIOTS! We need to look for the One Ring!" But no one was listening to the wizard. "Fine. I'll find it myself." He went to find Butterbur. "Did you happen to find a small gold ring here a couple months ago?"

"Which one?" Butterbur asked.

"What?"

"We get hundreds of small gold rings here." Butterbur placed a box full of gold rings on the counter. Gandalf looked through them. They were all the same. They all even had the inscription engraved on the band.

"So everyone has one now?"

* * *

"Yup." Butterbur showed him the gold bands on all ten of his fingers. "You can get them off of bookmarks. And online at Noble hahahahhhahhahahahhahahhahahahahhahahhahahhahahhahhhahhahaahahaahah

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Adrienne and I are so awesome.


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